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For the past couple of days,my heart and my mind are on a whirl. I really don't know what to think or feel now that I know the truth. I'm not angry when I finally heard from him what I've known all along. In fact, I totally understand what he's currently undergoing right now.

I was once in his shoes. Falling in love with someone else yet I still love and care for him. You could say that I was a two-timer in that phase of my life. Bad,isn't it? But well, I'd been there. Done that. But for sure, I wouldn't do it again. I learned a lot during that phase of my life.

He's in love..but with someone else. Painful as it may sound, but I still love him. I'm not a hypocrite to say that I'm not hurt. I AM. BUT! I'm not in my psychotic mode now..hahaha... that's what his friends refer to me..psychotic ex. I'm actually numb. I don't feel a thing. I don't know what to feel. I cry, yes. I still cry from time to time. But the feeling that I want him all to myself..well.. yes. I admit, I want him mine. Maybe not for now. Nah..that's not true. I want him mine but then again.. I dunno.

So many things have happened between us. We fought, separated but still I want him there.

I'm just a simple girl. I want us to be a family. A real family. One of my good friends told me to take things slow. He did say that too. It's actually good that we're talking again. I miss those talks. It's been a long time since we talked about anything and everything under the sun. It makes me smile that we're talking again. TAKE-THINGS-SLOW...My request? I want to see him often as I could not just with Celo as a family.. but just the two of us like we're dating again.

Yes, we're dating again. Maybe not exclusively but it's a start.

I love him so much and I understand what he's undergoing right now. Us being together may still be a dream but maybe we'll get there slowly but surely. He has a lot of issues to resolve on his own. He needs this for his own growth.

Meanwhile, I still have Marcelo to love and nurture. He's a product of us. I'm learning a lot too from my kid. Everyday, he learns a new word..like ba-shet-bol.. ah...basketball pala un..hehehe.. He tinkers with his piano telling me in his German language that there's no battery and he would like to get a screwdriver to open it up and put batteries.. He loves reading and me teaching him things. He's so happy when we're complete. You would see it in his eyes.

Sometimes it gets me thinking.. Is it right that I'm doing this?

Maybe it's the ideal. Maybe there's no right or wrong answer.

Day by day, I learn something new. Makes me smile that this is happening right now. I still have this wish etched on my mind.. I often tell Celo to be patient and everything would work out fine in the end. But well, it's up to him to decide the ending of this fairy tale.