Pag Pinipilit, Lalong Nasisira

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko naman sinasadya. Ayaw ko na ngang pumunta. So bakit pa ako pumunta? Napilitan akong pumunta dahil sa anak ko. Natural tatay niya yun. Kaarawan ng tatay niya... so kailangan pumunta. Nang-imbita ang lola eh, anong magagawa ko? Pero sa totoo ayaw ko talaga.

Hindi ko na nabili ang dapat kong bibilhin para sa kanya. Hindi na ako nag-effort kahit gustuhin ko. Hay buhay.

Sabi niya sa akin gusto niya mapag-isa.

Natagpuan ko siyang tulog nung kami'y dumating. Nung ginising ko siya tinanong ko siya... Anniversary pala ng pagkakaibigan niyo. 1 yr na pala kayong nagkakape. Bwisit ang bungad sa akin. Galit na galit at tantanan ko daw siya. Huwag daw ako makulit. Nagdabog. Nagpapalabas sa kuwarto. Nagsusumigaw na parang hari.

Sa totoo hindi ako nakikipag-away. Siguro nang-aasar lang. Eh, sa asar din ako, baket ba?
Pero ako'y napaluha. Alam kong babanggitin mo dapat ang di ko gusto marinig. Pero di ko alam ano ang nagpigil sayo para hindi sabihin ito.

Makulit ako. Deal with it. Ganon talaga ako. Ngayon kung hindi mo talaga kaya ang kulit ko... Ganon talaga ang buhay. Hahanap-hanapin mo din ang kulit ko akala mo. Dahil pag hindi na kita kinulit, wa na ako pake.

Minsan iniisip ko kung bumalik ako sa dati. Walang pakialam. Magkasama tayo sa iisang bubong, pero walang pakialamanan. Gawin ko gusto ko, nagagawa mo gusto mo. Walang sabihan kung anong trip. Ganon lang. Kaso hindi siya relasyon. Wala lang. Andun lang ako, pero parang hindi.

Napapaisip ako ngayon kung ano ang dapat kung gawin. Siguro nagpupumilit ako.. pinipilit ko ang hindi pa pwede. Naalala ko tuloy yung isa kong telepono. Pinipilit ko siyang ayusin. Hindi ko alam ano pumasok sa utak ko at pilit kong binubuklat ung casing niya.. ayan tuloy nasira!

Ganito rin kaya tayo? Habang pinipilit ayusin.. ayan lalong nasisira?!?

Payo nila hayaan kita.

Ang isip ko naman: Ayaw ko.. paano na ako?

Kasakiman ba ito? Selfishness on my part? Mukha nga akong tanga... kasakiman pa rin?

Kung praktikal ka, alam mo na ang dapat mong gagawin.. pero hindi. HINDI KA PRACTIKAL.

Ako? Martyr daw ang tawag sa akin. Binabaril sa Luneta. hahaha.. Kelan kaya ako matatauhan?

Lintek na pag-ibig yan. Lalong pinipilit, lalong nasisira. Leche!

Meron akong sikreto

Meron akong sikreto... hahaha... kase nga sikreto hindi ko pa pwede ibunyag.  Pero sa sobrang tuwa ko gusto ko siya iblog! hahaha..  Anyway, I've been thinking what to give this special someone as a perfect gift for his birthday.  So ngayon may idea na ako kung ano ibibigay ko. I'm sure ikakatuwa niya ito pag nabigay ko na sa special day niya.  Fingers crossed.  LOL.. Tinawagan ko na ang kelangan tawagan at nagpareserve na ako ng kelangan ireserve.. soooooo.. hintay-hintay na lang ng araw na yon.  At oongapala... aprub ang pto ko sa araw na yun!  Yey!  Kahit sira ang agent portal ko na nagloloko at nagsasabi na cancelled daw siya, may go-signal na kay TL na aprub siya.  Yun nga lang... sa kagustuhan kong makasama siya..alam mo naman yun, magulo utak.. talo pa babae sa kaartehan.. pero mahal ko siya eh.. anong gagawin ko?!?  Basta-basta.. kahit hindi ko siya makasama buong araw, nais ko lang ibigay sa kanya tong regalo nato na tiyak eh pagkakaguluhan niya at itatanong kung saang lupalop sa pinas ko nakuha at pag nalaman niya paniguradong ipagmamayabang sa mga kaopisina niya.. pero ang tanging hangad ko lang.. pls lang.. wag na wag siya sanang bibili dito at magbibigay lang dun sa hinayupak na malanding babaeng un..hahaha.. nde ako bitter.. asar lang talaga. pano ba naman ang niluto kong sikretong pasta na nasarapan siya at nalaman kung ano yun..ipagluto ba naman dun..leche! anyway.. tama na negatibo.. masaya ako kung ano meron kame.. talaga!  may anak kame na napakabait at napakatalino at napakacute..hahaha.. nanay talaga ako...hangad ko lang sana maayos talaga kame. 

General 6 Card Spread - 8/13/2008

	how you feel about yourself now (Temperance) You feel a need for harmony and balance in your life and indeed are starting to feel that some peace has already been restored. If you have been through some tough times, such as a break up of a relationship or financial problems, peace will be restored. However if you are still experiencing problems, this is a time for calm, careful control and patience and you will soon have a sense of normality again.
	what you most want at this moment (The Hierophant) The cards suggest chel, that what you most want at this time is to have someone around you that you can trust and confide in, knowing that they won’t let you down. There are moral issues here, knowing right from wrong, and you may feel that you need some advice or wise counsel from a teacher, priest, parent or someone you have a lot of respect for, in order to help you make the right decision.
	your fears (The Emperor) You are feeling that success is just around the corner but it feels elusive, just out of reach. You are concerned that the support and help that you want from your father, husband/partner or a man of significance in your life won’t materialise. Trust and ask for the help you need, and success will be yours.
	what is going for you (Justice) There is a karmic power to the Justice card, reward for the good deeds you have done in the past. This is a period of good luck even if you don’t know why you are being so favoured. You will approach any issues concerning relationships or business affairs with calm, balanced logic and any claim will go in your favour.
	what is going against you (Strength) Your negativity and lack of self control are your real enemies. If you are finding certain addictions in your life are taking a hold, be it smoking or drinking for example, look inward for you hearts true strength and self-belief. Change your attitude and be positive and you will reap great rewards.
	outcome (The Sun) The Sun is shining on you - it's your time for success, joy and happiness. You will feel confident and full of vitality. It's a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, perhaps enjoy a well-earned holiday, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby. If you are not feeling this way take heart, you will enter this period soon.

Aries - The Player

Just for fun... grabbed this post for Orchid.. hahaha... Me: ARIES - THE PLAYER (3/21-4/19) Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed...(hahaha)Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. My Lover: LEO - THE SEX MANIAC (7/23-8/22) Very talkative. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, Fun and SEXY. Have own unique appeal. Irresistible. Most caring person you'll ever meet! however not the kind of person you wanna mess with...they will kick your ***... u might end up crying... My Kid: VIRGO - THE BEST SEXUAL PARTNER (8/23-9/22) Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. EXTREMELY SEXY. Predict future. Loves being in long relationships. Has lots of friends. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Also not a fighter, but if they have to, they will also knock the lights out of you if it comes down to it.Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. heheh.. la lang share lang..

My General 6 Card Reading

how you feel about yourself now (The Magician) You feel a sense of purpose and the willpower to get things done. Self-empowerment is the key word here. Any new enterprises in love or career show great potential. You feel that you have the ability to think on your feet and, faced with opposition, the appearance of The Magician is an excellent omen of success. Time to believe in your self and go for it! what you most want at this moment (The Empress) The cards suggest chel, that at this time you desire comfort, security and happiness and may well need some emotional support and reassurance. (If you are considering having a baby the desire will be very strong at this time, or perhaps you are already pregnant and you have some concerns. If male, perhaps you are considering fatherhood with someone but have concerns.) Things will turn out fine, just know that you are loved and that there are people around you who care. your fears (The Sun) You are afraid that things seem too good to be true, so much pleasure and joy - well enjoy it, sometimes we can be pleasantly surprised. If you have been unwell this is a time of rejuvenation and good health. Perhaps you are afraid that things won’t actually get better - have faith you are about to enter a happy and pleasurable time. The Sun heralds an ending to difficulties and a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby. what is going for you (Wheel Of Fortune) Call it fate or destiny but the run of good luck or good fortune you are experiencing or about to experience is mostly not of your doing - enjoy this time. If there seem to be a number of positive coincidences happening in your life this is known as synchronicity, go with the flow and trust it. what is going against you (The World) As always, fear holds us back and so often leads to missed opportunities. Do not give up or change direction this late in the game just because you have experienced delays - stick with it, have faith and trust the universe, and you will reach the successful conclusion you are wanting. outcome (The Hierophant) Help is at hand. If you want wise counsel and moral guidance put your trust in someone you have a lot of respect for. Don’t allow others to influence you too much with what they want you to conform to, be true to yourself. When considering your options go with tried and tested traditional values, rather than the unconventional novel approach. For example marriage is more likely to be your desire than a living together situation.

Solitude vs. Loneliness --THE HERMIT

Got this from Lotus Tarot [ http://lotustarot.com ] email...

Hi chel

What’s the difference between solitude and loneliness?

THIS WEEK'S CARD: THE HERMIT



For me, the difference is solitude is something you WANT
and feel comfortable with, a peaceful, relaxing and
inspirational space, and loneliness is an UNWANTED
experience of being on your own.

>> Okay..so maybe I'm lonely.


I believe one of the greatest fears we have is the fear of
loneliness, especially the loneliness that we feel when
we are without a lover.

>> Does it ring a bell? haha.. fear of lonelines..


This fear traps many of us into unfulfilling or
destructive relationships, or leads us into pursuing the
wrong person just to AVOID being on our own.

>> Am I self-destructing? I think I'm like this way, way, back... as in waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back. I get into relationship as fast as lightning could strike, just afraid of being alone.


When The Hermit appears in your reading, it may represent
the loneliness you feel at the time. And remember, it is
possible to feel more isolated and lonely in an unhappy
relationship or marriage than when you are actually on your
own!

>> For the past 3 months that we separated, I felt a breath of fresh air! Whew! Never been better! But that's it. I'm alone... but I'm better in terms of mentally, physically and emotionally.

If this is the case, the card is suggesting you take time
out for inner reflection. In fact, The Hermit is also known
as the Contemplation card in some Tarot decks. Why do you
feel lonely? What can you do to help turn unwanted
loneliness into welcome solitude?

>> Naku, inner reflection..

Do you believe you can transform your loneliness into
solitude? I believe you can. Focus on contemplating
positive opportunities and outcomes. Spend your time
reflecting on past joys and accomplishments. Consider what
you can do with your life to create more satisfaction and
fulfillment.

The Hermit is saying ‘take your time and chill out, don’t
make any hasty or impetuous decisions, THINK about the
issues in your life carefully and from a more open-minded
perspective and with a more positive attitude’.

>> chillax lang.. ehehe.. think positive. the secret. ayos!

The card also suggests you should be patient, as it may
take a little more time before the period of unwanted
loneliness you are suffering will pass. Of course, it can
also mean don’t let the fear of loneliness hold you back
from making an important decision!

>> eto na, eto na.. decisions.. decisions.. DECISIONS!


When The Hermit appears in your readings, don’t rush any
decisions, take time out to think about and contemplate
your options carefully, and if you feel lonely consider how
you can change the way you view your ‘loneliness’ to create
a sense of solitude instead.

>> One of good friends had advised me to take things slow. Enjoy what I have for now. Huwag magmadali. Enjoy the moment. At least, we're talking now. Patience.....


Love and Joy,
Alison

You have Two Choices

*** got this online. just something to think about...***

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply: "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs, so they could follow him around from restaurant to restaurant

Why?

Because Jerry was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was always there, telling him how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him "I don't get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood. I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life."

"But it's not always that easy," I protested.

"Yes it is," Jerry said.

"Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk every situation is a choice.
You choose how you react to situations.. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. It's your choice how you live your life."

Several years later, I heard that Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business. He left the back door of his restaurant open And then in the morning, he was robbed by three armed men.

While Jerry trying to open the safe box, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him.

Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Want to see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied.

"Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared" I asked?

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine.

But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and I saw the expression on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.

In their eyes, I read 'He's a dead man..

I knew I needed to take action." "What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything."

'Yes,' to bullets, I replied.

Over their laughter, I told them: "I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

"Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.

I learned from him that every day you have the choice to either enjoy your life or to hate it. The only thing that is truly yours - that no one can control or take from you is your attitude, so if you can take care of that, everything else in life becomes much easier.